The perpetual student- never stop learning

One of my readers wrote, "Dear Weezy, please come back and post on Wednesday's. I love your wit and charm. Christan's cool and all, but I want to know more about you! Please keep writing, Weezy."

Ok, that was really me, but I know you feel the same way! And I kind of like the mid-week blogging break. It gives me a chance to come up with some meaty content  rather than just dashing something off quick, like in the case of this morning (sorry, peeps.).

So I had sushi with a dear, rockin' yogi friend last night, and she let me in on a great yogi blog/vlog idea she's been mulling over in her head for the last several months. I won't reveal anything more except to say that there's nothing of this kind in the yoga industry yet, and we have just the right resources to get it off the ground and (fingers crossed) make it something big. I've always had the sense that my purpose in life would involve something on the grand scale. Not like being rich or famous but creating and doing something that affects a lot of people. Maybe, just maybe this idea is the venue for that purpose.

I was so stoked listening to her speak last night, that I didn't remember sushi is made with rice (duh!). The word and images it brings are so clean and simple that my brain just didn't catch it. (Note: After last weekend's smorgasbord and the resulting dark pit of sorrow I found myself in Monday morning, I decided it was best for me to stick to Paleo/Whole30 principles, but more on that in a sec.)
When my plate arrived, piled high with California Roll (I'm too chicken to try the real stuff) I finally registered the rice. Crap, was my first thought, and then I decided to use it as a introduction experiment. So I ate it, every last bit of it including the wasabi, and afterwards and this morning I feel totally fine. Bonus, I've got completely clear sinus cavities.

I haven't followed the reintroduction plan I gave you at all, which, to be honest, I'm not really worried about. After eating so many off plan foods all together this weekend, I couldn't help but notice that physically I didn't feel different at all. I ate a bit of everything-- peanuts, ice cream, dried fruit, other sugary confections, bread and croutons, blue cheese dressing, some chips and hot dogs, etc, etc. The only food group I didn't touch was beans, and that was because we don't have any in the house. I'd assume that spread would give anyone a serious belly ache, but for some reason I was spared. I can't decide if that's good or bad. Good, maybe, because I can probably eat these things in moderation and my body and health would be ok. Bad, maybe, because I have no control when it comes to these foods, and the green light to eat them could become a trigger for more binges.

What I wasn't spared was onslaught of guilt, shame, and depression (as evidenced by Monday's post, whew!) If I had any sick leave stored up, I would have called in so I could lie in my bed all day. It's crazy that something like a binge can knock a person down so low. It doesn't make sense even to me, but maybe it gives you a small idea of the strangling death grip an eating disorder can have on a person.

Anyway, later that afternoon, on the same lovely jog I posted about yesterday, I decided I don't want to experience those debilitating emotions anymore. I want to live my life with happiness, centered peace, energy, and health. It's my choice. The guilt and shame is not forced on me, and I've got all the tools I need to live in the balanced state that I want. I just spent all of January finding that place. Following the Whole30 got me there so I think the best, most logical thing for me to do is to continue following those principles. I felt my best when doing the Whole30 so why stop it now? Granted, like momma said before, there will be birthdays, dinner dates, and other occasions where I want to enjoy things off plan, and that will be ok. The key will be guarding myself from falling for my triggers.

Fighting the triggers will take work. It will require changing my habits, but as I am learning from reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, changing those habits is absolutely possible. May not be easy peasy, but it can be done. All habits run a cycle of cue, routine, and reward. The triggers (certain foods, situations, emotions) are my cues. The bingeing is my routine, and the reward is the momentary relief from stress, boredom, anxiety, emptiness (my list could go on forever). The work will require developing new habits based on new cues and routines for the reward of centered-ness, happiness, and energy. As these new habits grow and become ingrained in my basal ganglia (don't I sound smart?) the old habits will undergo extinction (which is a tricky term because they don't actually disappear from my habit warehouse, they just get stuffed in the far back corner)....You should really read the book. It's pretty fascinating.

I'll leave you to your Wednesday, but first :
Today, I'm grateful for:

• Four hours of sleep last night. Hey, it's better than none!
• Chic glasses that correct my blurry vision and help me read the computer screen. I bet optometrists are very thankful that our noses are in technology screens all day.
• Dinner dates with Ms. Jimmie. That girl can get anyone excited with her infectious energy.
• Again, my husband for all the texts, Facebook posts, and phone calls during the day that let me know I'm on his mind.
• My kick a**, rockin', nutty family. Mom, Dad, Mamaw, Papa, my brothers and their beautiful wives, my perfect new niece, my sister who writes this sassy blog (God broke the mold after her), every aunt and uncle and cousin who, frankly, are beyond compare. Yes, I am a homebody, a family girl, and these people are the reason why :)