"Beyonce has thunder thighs": Things that piss me off

I know some of you think that I'm too hard on myself, and that I beat myself up too much. Ok, I'll give that to you, but I have to confess that I feel like a fraud. Saturday night and the entirity of yesterday were one long food fest, not on olives and fruit this time, but on all the junk I just spent 30 days cleaning out of my system. It's like the Whole30 was a dream, and I'm right back where I started. That includes picking myself back up this fine Monday morning, eating 100% paleo (or Whole30 compliant), and getting back to my workouts, but what about next weekend? I was afraid I would just fall back into the same patterns. Did I sabotage myself with that fear, making it a reality? Was it inevitable? Somewhere in the midst of the Whole30 I found hope that I could be normal, and that this eating disorder bull shit might be behind me. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It's mornings like these that I think I need to go back into treatment. Every time I slide back, it just gets harder and harder to climb back up the mountain. I get down on my hands and knees inthe dirt and mud, clawing to the top. I put on a brave face and a fake smile, and I go about my day like I'm ok, but I don't feel ok. I feel forever damned to deal with this, and it's wearing me down. One has to eat to live. Every dams day we have to eat, and every day I am either proud of myself for eating "well" or hating myself for letting Ed get the better of me.

I can't go on because... because it's just food. It's just damn food. And people, no matter their best intentions, simply don't understand. Damnit, I don't understand. And if I continue you might realize that I'm not so put together and inspirational as you thought. That I'm sitting at this computer sobbing because my demons continue to get the better of me, and on this morning I just feel hopeless. (NOT harmful! but hopeless).

But I will take a moment and get angry. After Beyonce's performance last night (and let's be honest: in today's world of entertainment which is driven solely by $ signs, that performance was the most talent filled, least sleazy you're going to find. She may have been scantily clad, but calling her a "whore" or "stripper", which several Facebook members did, is uncalled for. She could have had much less on and gotten far more raunchy with her dance moves. The Super Bowl half time show is not going to one that your 5 year old can watch. They tried having "The Who" and other bands of the like play before, and the half time ratings tanked. You know what happened last year when Madonna performed? 3 million more people tuned in to watch the half time show than did the game. I can guarantee you even more than that tuned in to watch Beyonce. Which means lots and lots of money for all those bigwigs. And Beyonce gave you a show without any middle fingers flying up at the camera, without any wardrobe malfunctions, and she even reunited Destiny's Child! 90's girls' lives are complete! Maybe it wasn't your cup of tea, and I understand that, but all this hate being slung Beyonce's way is ridiculous and disrespectful. Personally, I think she killed it....Ok, wow, end that rant, haha.) Anyway, as I was saying, after Beyonce's performance last night, one of my Facebook friends posted, "Beyonce got out with her Thunder Thighs. Not a bad thing, but she better watch it. Those things could get out of hand fast" (he has since removed the post).

These are "thunder thighs". Ladies, we are screwed.

 I did not see an ounce of fat on Beyonce's thighs, and we got to see the entire freaking thigh. I didn't see any jiggle or any reason why her thighs could be termed "Thunder Thighs". Are you kidding me? If those are thunder thighs, then I have elephant hocks. And compare a photo of Beyonce from last night to photos of her from a few years ago, and you can tell that the girl has lost some weight and tightened and toned those legs already. It probably wasn't easy for her to do. Legs aren't known for their willingness to shape up easily. But now, according to this insensitive pig, she's got to keep patrol on her thighs because heaven forbid they get out of hand? You are pathetic, sir. You are the reason that women every where are eaten alive with body image issues. Why numerous women don't feel secure with their bodies and could never dream of flaunting their shit like Ms. B. Because assholes like you are out there critiquing every inch of our bodies. EVEN when we look damn good. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Beyonce's body last night, and she still got an ultimatum. Not from media, not from magazines, but from an idiotic, home grown, corn in his blood, (supposed to be a) good ol' country boy. Watch out sir, I come home to Statesboro in two weeks, and I'm bringing a bathing suit, and I will parade my dimply, jiggly thighs all over the place just to terrorize you. Mine are definitly "out of hand" compared to Beyonce's. They will give you nightmares.

Ok. I'm done. I went from sobbing to seething in .05 seconds. That's probably why my hubbby thinks I'm nuts (in a loving way, of course)....