All or Nothing

Sometimes I feel as if I have two separate selves. The first is methodical, organized, constantly on the go from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. No minute of the day is unplanned. The second is a lot less ambitious. The second likes to lay on the couch, eat lots of chocolate, and procrastinate on things I need to do (and things I enjoy doing). The second is pretty much a sloth. No surprise that doer self takes charge during the week and my lazier self rules the weekend. Neither is inherently bad, but both go to such extremes that I really do feel like two completely different people.

I prefer my weekday self. I get boodles of items checked off my list and feel like my life is "together". But by the end of the week, I'm tired and irritated that I have no down time on week days to just sit and breathe. I guess I make up for it on the weekends because just about all I do is sit and breathe (and eat), and by the end of the weekend I'm disgusted that I've been so lazy and kicking myself for not working on class routines or getting a jump on blogging.

For awhile I've known the structure of the weekdays, centered around working full time, keeps me in accomplisher mode. Weekends, with their hours of free time are dangerous territory. The simple answer then is to just structure my weekends like I structure my weekdays, but there's something about micromanaging ever minute of my weekend that sends my inner child (or maybe my weekend sloth) into a tantrum. Scheduled weekend mornings aren't so bad. I can knock out cleaning, laundry, and walking the dog or going to the grocery store, but the afternoons are tougher. Who wants to say "Saturday afternoon. At 1:00 I will do yoga prep. At 2:00- spin prep. 3:00- read/nap. 4:00- wash and clean my car. 5:00- Blog. 6:00 ???"

Granted it doesn't sound so bad written out, but I don't want to live my whole life by a schedule. Then again a little structure on the weekends my help me to find that balance I crave. Maybe my weekend self is more like a little child who wants to be able to whatever I want whenever I want, and maybe my weekday self is more the over taxed mom who knows best. When I have a more slothful weekend, it makes for a miserable Monday. When I add a little structure (not going overboard, but keeping myself on track), I'm much happier come the start of the week.

See, dangit. I know what I need to do. I know the things that work for me and that keep me on an even keel. Why then is it so hard to do them? I know I'm not alone. I'm sure everyone struggles with this to some degree whether over time management, or health, or just general happiness. I guess it's another stage of growing up. Or at least I hope it is. Maybe once I hit my 30's I won't be so stubborn and resistant to doing what's best for me. Or maybe it's something that evolves as I grow older. Maybe one day, I'll find the balance of my two selves by adding a little structure during the weekend and adding a little play during the week, but something else prove to be a booger.

Oh, I feel whiny today, and I don't like it so let's end this on a positive note.

Gratitude30- not sure of the day

• my hardworking hubby passing swat school! YAY!!!!!!
• getting to spend lots of quality time with a very happy hubby
• subbing for the favorite teachers at the gym. Their classes are always full so it gives me a chance to get my name out to a lot of new people
• a vacuum that thankfully can dominate all the hair my dog sheds.
• the pleasure derived from buying a book, a real book from a bookstore, and that musty new book smell

Have a great Monday!