Give up the Shoulds. Give up the Guilt.

A couple of days ago I was talking to my mom, who had had a particularly rotten day. “I ate fries and a frosty. I told myself no, but I did it anyway. Then we had birthday cake for a co-worker,” she said. The following day a dear friend lamented that she felt guilty for not blogging with consistency. “I don’t ever read like I should,” I commiserated. My very first thoughts this morning as my brain fluttered to consciousness and my hand slipped over my belly were I should not have eaten that whole plate of nachos last night. Way to keep a fat belly, CK. It was followed with regret for staying in bed until 6:00 instead of rising at 5:00 and for opting to watch TV instead of working out last night.

Then I got angry.

I don’t want to beat myself up anymore for what I ate, or the books I haven’t read, or the meditation and yoga I haven’t been practicing. And I don’t want my mother or my friends to be down on themselves because of frosties and an inconsistent blogging habit. Their worth is measured by far more than that. I don’t think any less of my mom for eating French fries for lunch on a stressful day. To me it will not register any difference in the way she looks; she will still be the most beautiful woman I know. I don’t think she is weak, fat, or pathetic. All it means to me is that an awesome woman ate a side of potatoes cooked in oil for lunch and nothing more. I don’t think my friend lacks discipline or is a failure because she doesn’t blog consistently. She’s still one of the smartest, witty people I know. I marvel at the fact that she attempts to blog at all while caring for two children, settling into a new home, working a full time job, and chairing at least two community clubs. Inconsistent blogging does not diminish her super woman status.

Why is it that we beat ourselves up over these things? Clearly, those things that we feel guilty over are the ones that hold great importance to us. My mother and I think it’s important to avoid fast food and eat whole foods for optimal health. My friend and I were born with a talent for and need to write, therefore blogging (or any outlet of creative writing) is important to us. The guilt for slipping up on a diet or not honing your talent is understandable, but is it necessary?

Think about how much energy we waste feeling guilty and beating ourselves up for choices we make and things we do or don’t do. Think about all the things you could accomplish if you refocused that energy into positive thoughts and actions. What if when you have a bad day and you find yourself at Wendy’s for lunch you say, “I want fries and a frosty. I want them because it’s a stressful day and because they will taste delicious.” And what if you just ate them and said, “Damn, that was good,” and let that be the end of it. What if when you start to despair because you haven’t written anything in a while you acknowledge your life is crazy and then write one single sentence, the most beautifully creative sentence you can craft, and post it (and be proud of it!). What if we realized that we are human. We are fallible. We aren’t going to eat perfectly all the time. In fact there will be periods of time where we may eat junk consistently. We aren’t going to meet every standard we set for ourselves. There will be times when we simply can’t keep the house clean, don’t have time to make a home cooked meal, avoid exercise or our yoga practice. There will be times when we watch too much TV, don’t call stay in touch with our grandmothers regularly, and feed the dog half of our bowl of chili because we are too lazy to get up and mix the canned and dry dog food together.

And guess what? IT’S OK. We are imperfect beings, but that does not make a single one of us any less extraordinary, nor does it devalue our worth.

Here’s my suggestion, and it’s advice that I need to practice and keep close to my own heart. Evaluate those things for which you feel guilty and beat yourself up. Decide if they are truly important to you or if they are just “shoulds” placed in your life by society, your family, your friends, etc. Then make conscious and deliberate choices to pursue those important things. So…it’s really important to me that I write consistently—I have a talent for it. I got my degree in it. I want to have a career in it—therefore I need to be adamant in my writing. Or take yoga for example. As a yoga teacher it is very important that I have my own yoga practice, and I feel really guilty that I don’t practice on my own very often. If I want to grow and improve as a teacher I’ve got to practice yoga. I decide it’s important so I make the commitment to do it. Then there’s something like reading. I feel like I should be devouring books. Indeed, to be a good writer, you need to be an avid reader. But my days are jam packed from 5:15am when I wake up to 7:30pm when I get home, and, frankly, I enjoy flopping on the couch and vegging to Desperate Housewives. Sure, I’d benefit more from picking up a book, but most nights I just need to switch to autopilot and crash. So I’m not gonna feel guilty anymore for not reading a lot.

 It’s far easier said than done, but it boils down to this. Be mindful in your choices and actions, and then cut yourself some slack. Focus your energies on the positives in life and your small achievements. So you ate fries at lunch? Who cares? You came home and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Find pride in that. You didn’t blog today? So what. You snuggled up to your kiddos and read them a story. You’re their hero. Didn’t read a chapter in that book? It’s ok; you spent the last hour laughing with your husband while watching the antics on Wisteria Lane. Those are good things. They are the little moments that make life grand. Sets your sights on them. Cultivate more of them and let go of the rest. Your life is far too precious to be spent laden with guilt over the “shoulds” and “should nots”. Remember that.

Love to you all.

Chocolate Caramel Coffee Bars- Unprocessed and Paleo Approved! (Well the dark chocolate part is debatable...)

My hubby has long entertained the idea of working for the Feds. The very first time he mentioned his interest, I made a promise to myself that if he ever was accepted to the FBI Academy, I'd spend the duration of his training in Paris, Now, I don't know how long Federal agent training lasts, but his State training took eight months. Since he was still in Georgia we were able to see each other roughly every two weeks, but with the FBI training head quarters being in Virginia, our visits would be fewer and farther in between. I'd be so lonely at home all by myself for that extended period of time, but the cost of traveling to see him would be considerable. I think another good use of that money would be an extended trip to Paris. It would be the perfect distraction for my love sick heart. Writing in front of an open window, crips white curtains fluttering in the breeze. Strolling through the city in the afternoons, nibbling bon bons and sipping fine wine. I'd be saturated in inspiration for my creative craft.

I'm not counting any chickens before they hatch or fretting over the future. Heck no! I'm just indulging in some heady wishful thinking. Those decisions are somewhere far down the road and will come in due time, but I do enjoy dreaming of the possibilities.

Speaking of bon bons, sometimes all a girl needs is some chocolate. In fact, I think you should savor a bit of chocolate every day if it suits you and helps you foster a bit of happiness or balance. Is that investing too much emotion into a food? Probably, but let's face it, chocolate will always be tied to emotion, so we might as well enjoy it. But make sure you enjoy the good stuff. M&Ms may be good in a pinch, but they pale in comparison to a rich homemade chocolate dessert, like these:

Chocolate Caramel Coffee Bars from Paleomg.com.

How decadent do those look? The best part is that aside from a little dark chocolate these are made with 100% whole, unprocessed ingredients. No preservatives and sweetened with dates and a tiny bit of honey (ok and the chocolate), these babies are a perfect alternative to typical sweet treat fare. I made them last night, and they were amazing! They're extremely rich so a small square should satisfy even your most vicious cravings. I used 70% dark chocolate, and that paired with the dates (I love dates, even if they look like cockroaches) was just a touch too tangy for me. Next time I'll try 55% dark chocolate or maybe milk chocolate and see if that makes a difference. Regardless, these will be a party in your mouth. (And they aren't troublesome to make at all.) Enjoy!

Chocolate Coffee Caramel Bars

Prep time: 15 mins

Total time: 15 mins

 

Serves: 3-4 (these are way too rich to just serve 3-4! Cut them into small squares and savor.)

 

Ingredients

For the crust

• 12 dried figs (or dates, if you prefer), stems removed
• ½ cup almond butter
• ¼ cup Unsweetended Shredded Coconut
• 2 tablespoons Raw Honey
• 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• pinch of salt

For the caramel

• 12-14 medjool dates, pitted and soaked in water for an hour
• 5-6 tablespoons canned coconut milk (I only used 5 tbsps and could have used slightly less still- or use less of the water below)
• 3 tablespoons water
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• pinch of salt

For the topping

• 1 cup Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips or dark chocolate, melted
• ¼ cup canned coconut milk
• 2 teaspoons ground coffee
• coarse sea salt, to top

Instructions

1. First make your crust. Add all of your crust ingredients into a food processor and mix until well combined. Add the crust mixture to a bread pan and push down until the mixture is flat. Like a crust. Duh.
2. Now add your dates and pulse until dates have broken down (less than a minute) then add your coconut milk tablespoon by tablespoon to the dates while the food processor is still running. Then add your water as well.
3. And add your vanilla extract and pinch of salt.
4. Process until you get a caramel. BOOM. May take 3-5 minutes, tops.
5. Pour caramel over your crust and spread evenly.
6. Now you will want to melt your chocolate. You could do this in a double boiler or just the microwave. I chose the latter.
7. Melt chocolate and coconut milk together in the microwave. Heating for 30 seconds then mixing well and reheating when necessary.
8. Once your chocolate is completely melted, add your ground coffee and mix well.
9. Pour melted chocolate over your caramel and spread evenly.
10. Add coarse sea salt on top of the chocolate.
11. Put in freezer to let chocolate harden. Around 10+ minutes.
12. Eat!!

A Reluctant Affair

I confess; I live a half-life. Much of my time I spend wondering and worrying about what my life will look like in the next 6 months. Will my husband be promoted or transferred? Where will we live? Will we still be North Georgia? Should I look for another job? Or do I stick it out where I am? Does my husband even want to move? Will there be resentment if we leave North Georgia? We’ve lived in Ringgold now for two and a half years, and it has taken me exactly that amount of time to form a bond with the area. I’ve finally admitted to my crush on Chattanooga, and it wants to blossom into a full on love affair. Yet, I keep myself at arms’ length. I can’t get too attached, not if we’ll be leaving by the time the year is through (if being the operative word).

I spend at least 6 days of my week in Chattanooga. My resistance to her charms was futile. The breeze off the river whispered secrets in my ear every time I walked across the Market Street Bridge. The windowed angles of the Aquarium glistened like diamonds. Chattanooga invited me to stroll her sidewalks lined with the shops of hardworking yet laid back owners. She coerced me to play barefoot in the waterfall stairs of the River Walk and slide down her broad grassy banks. We grew close over weekends in the North Shore practicing yoga and lunching at Greenlife.
 

Centennial Park, The Delta Queen, Walnut St. Bridge,
and the Aquarium in the background

I’ve imagined our future together. I pretend I am one of the more recognizable names around town when it comes to writing and fitness. I see myself volunteering my time and executing large fund raisers for mental and physical health awareness. I see myself teaching large yoga classes in Centennial Park and writing columns for Get Out and Chattanooga Magazine. I see the smiles of the people I'd help and my network of colleagues and peers. They are active, easy-going, resourceful, and mindful. The crave balance like I do and create it for themselves. They inspire me.  Like a teenager with her first love, I have Chattanooga's and my whole life planned out.
 

But like in most relationships, I’ve built my walls, and I’m not keen on dismantling them. To become anymore attached to Chattanooga while the details of my home life are up in the air would be inviting pain. I will already miss the city whenever we leave. I don’t want to miss it any more than is necessary. Here again, we come to the problem of living the half-life. I choose not to fully integrate myself in order to not hurt in the future, but that leaves the present lackluster and wanting. My days are extraordinarily busy, but they are packed with the mundane “have to do” responsibilities of life, not the things that set me on fire. I’ve already taken a few steps to make the time outside of my 9 to 5 the life I live for, but I am the point in my life where I need more change. I need to actively pursue those things I love with all my energies. I know it’s possible to achieve what I desire, but I stall. What’s the point in finding a job more suited to my talents and integrating myself into something (even if I’ll love it) if we are only going to uproot within the next few months or year?

Were I talking to a friend, I’d tell them that the point of pursuing those things now is to make the most of your life in this present moment because (warning: cliché coming) the present is all we have. This very moment- that’s it. And if you’re miserable, but refuse to change things because there’s a possibility you might not be in this place in the next few months, then you’re only cheating yourself, honey. What’s the worst that could happen? You find your dream job and then move 3 months later? Yes, that would suck, but wouldn’t it suck worse to slog out those 3 months in a place (warning: drama queen mode kicking in) that makes you feel dead inside?

I can’t decide if that sounds too idealistic- “follow your heart and dreams now”- and if I need to counter it with a spoonful of practicality- “it is responsible to stay where you are now, until you know what you’re plans are. Don’t give up a good paying job for uncertainty”. My idealist and rationalist are always at war (but that taps into a whole other post about dual nature I’ve got simmering). I guess the best advice I can give myself is to not worry so much about the future and things that are not yet decided. Yes, I’ve waited a long time for concrete direction and will have to wait a bit longer, but the answers are coming. When they do I can spring into action. Until then, I must shed the worry and live as mindfully as possible in this present moment, being content with my circumstances as they are but still pursuing those things that light me up so I can spill that light onto others. God has everything in control. All I have to do is let Him drive.

Dust free= avoidance

My house is spotless. I dusted every slat of every blind, behind the fridge, and under the washing machine and dryer. I vacuumed under every piece of furniture, inside the window sills full of decaying bugs. I even scrubbed the baseboards and door fronts in the livingroom and hall. God bless the creator of the Magic Eraser for making that task infinitely easier.

I always prefer a clean house, and with the aroma of sping riding on the breeze it seems like a good time to brighten everything up. Honestly, though, I clean to avoid. There's always something dirty or cluttered around the house which always offers me the perfect excuse to avoid, say, writing my blog, or finding new music for cycling class, or prepping my meals for the week, or working out even. During the week I have no down time to make excuses to procrastinate. From 5:00 am when I wake up to 8:00pm when I usually get home I am on the go. For the breif hour before I pass our at 9:00, I'm usually already crashed on the couch, trying and failing to reduce a little stress, or I'm making a last ditch attempt to get myself ahead of the game for tomottow. The weekend is wide open. I successfully schedule my mornings to keep me occupied and our of danger of a food fest, but the afternoons are more difficult. I want to do something fun, like explore Chattanooga, so I put off the writing and the class prepping, and the next week food prepping. Or I want to nap, or I don't want to live my entire life scheduled out to the minute. I may need to do that because it helps keeps me on the many tracks I needs to be on, but my defiant inner child doesn't like it. I wanna do, what I wanna do, when I wanna, do it, and I don't want to do THAT.

Sparkling base boards are definitely a reward for hard work, and I know I did not waste my time, but I did avoid my responsibilities and the other things I needed to do to keep me in balance this week. Why do we humans do that? Why do we avoid the things that we know are good for us, the things that will bring us health, balance, and even extra time on our hands? I need to know your secrets because right now I'm at a loss. How do you shut up your bratty inner child and do the things that will benefit you? Like I've said the key for me is structure. It's what gets me throught the week with my head above water and would get me through my weekend with out fear of bingeing, but take effort, commitment, and planning- things I loike to go light on during the weekend.

Anyway, that's all I've got this morning. Share with me your motivation to keep it going when your inner kid is kicking and screaming. Hope you all had a lovely weekend and a super week ahead! Love to you all!

The most awesome Valentine gift

Look at the new toy my super sweet weekend valentine bought me!

Cue happy dance.
 

For its inaugural use, I whipped up a double batch of homemade mayo. No longer will I waste precious minutes and tire my forearm while slowly drizzling olive oil into a blender! This baby gets the job done in 60 seconds flat. I just tossed all the ingredients in a bowl, pressed power, and the emulsion blossomed before my eyes.

Momma and I decided last weekend that we are doing another Whole30 (starting yesterday). Neither of us followed the reintroduction process as outlined. I've been going hog wild with sugar consumption in all its obvious and hidden forms, which is probably why every part of my body that had slimmed down in January has plumped up again. Yep, it's true. Those jeans from Christmas 2011 are once again in the back of the closet because they won't slide over my hips. Am I going to beat myself up over it? Ha, I already have. Nope, I'm just going to jump back into the Whole30, cleanse my body with whole foods, and learn from the stumbles I've experienced in the last couple of weeks.

More importantly, we have booked our summer vacation. June 22 will arrive in a hurry so mom and I want to get a jump start on our smokin' bikini bods. Plus, my daddy, who did the Whole30 with us in January lost a disgusting unbelievable 20 pounds! Genuinely giddy, he glowed as he announced on Monday that he is back to his high school weight. Ugh, men....

So back to the Whole30 it is. However, I'm doing it more for the structure and the peace that structure brings to my life than for shedding body fat for summer. As I reread posts from just a few short weeks ago, the happiness and balance I experienced leaps from the page and smacks me in the face. I've felt like my life tailspinned into a mess once the Whole30 was over. So why not go back to it and reclaim that happiness and balance? It only makes sense. (And please note that my situation is a bit unique. If you're in the middle of a Whole30 or thinking about doing one, don't think that you are doomed to rebound or yoyo back to your old habits or old body. You have the control, and you can make it successful. So can I; I just have to quash Ed.)

I won't blog about this second go 'round, unless I experience some huge revelation. But I will make an effort to continue posting something everyday (whether you like it or not, muhahaha). I think Thursday posts will be yoga focused and Fridays will be a bit more creative in nature. Maybe Tuesdays or Wednesdays will feature a recipe; not of my own creation though, unless you crave something burned and inedible. But I do see lots of creamy soups and purees in my future now that I have my new toy. I want to make an effort to be more positive on Mondays and start the week off on an uplifting note. My brother Morgan suggested "MoMo Mondays", which (since coming from his mind) would be a hilarious rapid fire of insanity. Hmmm...we'll see.

Homemade mayo (in case you never clicked any of the links to this recipe I posted before):
From Theclothesmakethegirl.com

Ingredients:
1 egg @ room temp
2 tablespoons lemon juice @ room temp
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup plus 1 cup olive oil (light, not extra virgin) @ room temp

Directions:
1. Place the egg and lemon juice in a blender or food processor. Let them come to room temperature together, about 30-60 minutes. Add the dry mustard, salt, and 1/4 cup of the oil. Whirl until well mixed – about 20 to 30 seconds.
THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART!
2. The only remaining job is to incorporate the remaining 1 cup oil into the mixture. To do this, you must pour very slowly… the skinniest drizzle you can manage and still have movement in the oil. This takes about three minutes or so. Breathe. Relax. Drizzle slowly.
If you’re using a blender, you’ll hear the pitch change as the liquid starts to form the emulsion. Eventually, the substance inside the blender will start to look like regular mayonnaise, only far more beautiful. Do not lose your nerve and consider dumping! Continue to drizzle.
If your ingredients were all at room temperature and you were patient, you will be rewarded!

OR...dump everything into a bowl, take your precious immersion blender, and go to town. Woohoo!

Tybee Time

Vacations, especially those to the beach, never last long enough. The last four days back home in Statesboro and at Tybee passed as quickly as a mere couple of hours. But it was a wonderful weekend. Mom and I celebrated our successful completion of the Whole30 with a trip to Tybee Island. I anticipated wearing light jackets and lounging on a blanket on the beach, soaking up Vitamin D while catching up on reading. However, it was so cold and windy that we only stepped foot onto the sand one time. Though bundled in layers, gloves, and scarves, our bones still froze.

So what’s the alternative when it’s too cold to enjoy the beach? Shopping, of course! Our first stop was the Southern Women’s Show at the Savannah Convention Center. The auditorium overflowed with Southern belles and vendors desperate to make a sale. It only took .5 seconds for momma and me to become overwhelmed, but we methodically made our way up and down the aisles of booths, politely declining invitations to try magic mops and pheromone sprays. Just when I thought we’d make it through without having to adamantly refuse a vendor’s advances, a man with long, whispy gray hair and clothed in mud splotched duds grabbed momma’s arm.

He slathered her hand in moist volcanic ash, touting its detoxifying effects. Mom tried to recoil, but the man caked on more mud and commented on the gorgeous light radiating from her eyes. I giggled, and he noticed me for the first time. “Oh, are you with her? I guess yours do too if you’re with her.” He grabbed a warm wash cloth and wiped the mud off mom’s hands. I won’t lie; the difference in her two hands was pretty astonishing. The ash cleansed hand was bright and glowing. Her fingers were slim, natural puffiness gone, and the line and wrinkles of her palm had evaporated.

“You see. You don’t have to believe what I say. You can see it for yourself. It works. You can use it all over your body. Face. Belly. Legs. Butt,” he said and started quoting prices. Mom was ready to walk away, but I was hooked (sucker that I am). “Here, I’ll do yours,” he said grabbing my hand, “since you’re with her.”

We walked away from the booth with a jar of volcanic ash each.

We made another great find of flavored olive oils and balsamic vinegars at another booth. We sampled blood orange olive oil with chocolate balsamic vinegar, garlic mushroom olive oil with pecan praline balsamic vinegar, and basil olive oil with strawberry balsamic vinegar. We both could have died happy right then and there. I have never tasted anything so delicious in my life as those oil and vinegar combos. We insisted to every passerby that they try a sample too. Those who refused, we tackled and forced it down their throats (not really, but I thought about it). We left that booth with a bottle of all six flavors.

Though we were celebrating the Whole30, we definitely did not eat according to the Whole30 while on vacation. We enjoyed creamy shrimp and corn cakes, balsamic glazed sweet potato fries, crab cake sandwiches, rich steak “Oscar”, and crème brule. And for breakfast each morning we had chocolate.


Breakfast of champions

 On our last night momma and I decided to try the North Beach Grill near the lighthouse. I could’ve sworn I’d eaten there before, and that it was a nice place with a charming, breezy atmosphere perfect for tourists. Instead it was a run down dive frequented by locals (and we think several lesbians, too, as one woman told mom- with a much too mischievous grin- that she was so hot she was about to take her shirt off). The shack was dimly lit and loud, and a server rushed by saying he’d be right with us and that we’d “better get a drink”. Blue paint flaked off the table tops, and our uneven chairs were undoubtedly salvaged from the dump. Christmas lights and neon beer signs decorated the knotty wood walls. Steps away from the screened porch door the waves rippled up the sand. With every sip of my Reisling, I became more and more chatty, spilling to my momma all the inside jokes and mundane memories that make me smile most.

I adored every minute of that dinner in that lopsided beach shanty.  The food was delicious and the company, my favorite. I’ve always had a silly longing to eat at a rundown coastal dive favored only by local hodads. It seemed like an essential part of beach life, and I couldn’t call myself a true beach bum until I’d experienced it. And finally, with my momma, there on Tybee Island, I did. Laugh if you will, but it was everything I’d hoped it’d be.

Time spent with my momma and sister (who dropped by on Sunday) keeps me young at heart, but unfortunately I realized this weekend that I have crossed the threshold into “old” territory. I submit as evidence:

1.      Getting in the bed at 8:00 and falling asleep by 8:30, despite being on vacation.

2.      Achieving a hangover after consuming only two 5oz glasses of wine.

3.      Waking, showering, packing, and being ready to head out the door 4 hours before checkout (without being prompted!).

There’s no room for dispute; I’m an old fart at 28.

Yeah, vacations aren’t ever long enough. Neither are trips home. I always return to North Georgia homesick and yearning for flat cotton fields, gnat kisses, early morning TV with mom in her bed, an afternoon hour spent on Mamaw’s couch, a Cracker Barrel breakfast with my sister-in-law, my daddy’s infectious smile, and conversations with my often inappropriate siblings. But I’m thankful for the time I do get to spend down there and for opportunities like this weekend that bring me closer to my mom and remind me of what an extraordinary lady she is. She’s my idol, and I love her.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend too. See you back in the grind!  



It's Tybee time, Dah'ling.





Insert smart ass caption here. (Anything I say will make Gracie mad, hehe).





Channeling Dwayne Wayne.

 


These pants looked amazing on Mom. She refused to buy them!



Mom loves a rotating door almost as much as a round about. We had to limit her to only three loops around at a time.



It looks deceivingly warm, doesn't it?



Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, dear readers. I hope this day overflows with love and connection to those you hold dear, and I hope that you cultivate those things every day following as well. Open your heart both emotionally and physically and embrace the vulnerability that comes with it. Pour out compassion and generosity without thought to what may happen or what you may get in return. Love, in all its forms is powerful stuff and really does have the capacity to heal people and change lives, even the world. So practice it, grow it, and revel in it.

Today is my Friday for the week. Momma, my sister, and I are headed to Tybee Island this weekend as our reward for completing the Whole30. Not bad, huh? As a result I'll be off the grid until Tuesday, soaking up sun and simmering my creative juices. Until then, I leave you with this.

Smiles and much love to you all!